Self-harm and teens. A blog by Pineapple Counseling in Southlake and Flower Mound, TX
As a counselor working closely with teens and families, one of the most difficult, yet important, topics I encounter is self-harm. It's an issue often surrounded by silence, confusion, and fear, but it's more common than many realize, and it’s something we can talk about, understand, and address with care and support.
What Is Self-Harm?
First, let’s define it. Self-harm, also known as non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI), is when someone intentionally hurts themselves as a way to cope with emotional pain, stress, or overwhelming feelings. It may include behaviors like cutting, burning, scratching, or hitting oneself. It's important to note that self-harm is not the same as a suicide attempt, though the emotional distress behind it is very real and should never be ignored.
Why Do Teens Self-Harm?
Adolescence is a time of intense change, physically, emotionally, and socially. Teens may feel misunderstood, pressured, or alone. Some common reasons teens engage in self-harm include:
Emotional release: To escape or express deep sadness, anger, or anxiety.
Sense of control: In a world that can feel overwhelming, self-harm may feel like one thing they can control.
Numbness: Some teens use self-injury to "feel something" when they feel emotionally numb or dissociated.
Punishment: Some may turn inward with shame or self-criticism, using harm as a form of self-punishment.
Peer influence: Exposure through peers or social media may normalize or even romanticize self-harm.
What Are the Warning Signs?
Not all teens who self-harm will show obvious signs, but some red flags include:
Unexplained cuts, burns, or bruises. often on arms, thighs, or abdomen.
Wearing long sleeves even in warm weather.
Isolation, withdrawal from friends or family.
Mood swings, irritability, or signs of depression or anxiety.
Expressions of hopelessness or worthlessness.
How to Respond as a Parent or Caring Adult
If you suspect or know that your teen is self-harming, your response matters greatly.
Stay calm. Reacting with anger, panic, or guilt may make your teen shut down or feel more shame.
Listen, don’t lecture. Create a safe space for them to open up. Let them know you care and want to understand.
Avoid ultimatums or punishment. These can worsen the behavior, and push it more into hiding. Focus instead on support and finding healthy alternatives.
Seek professional help. A trained therapist can help your teen learn healthier ways to cope and explore the deeper issues beneath the behavior.
How Counseling Helps
In counseling, teens can explore the emotions and experiences behind self-harm in a nonjudgmental environment. Therapy often focuses on:
Building emotional regulation skills
Challenging negative thought patterns
Improving communication and relationships
Creating safety plans and coping strategies
With time and support, healing is possible. Self-harm doesn’t define a person. It’s a sign that they’re in pain and need help.
You Are Not Alone
If you’re a teen struggling with self-harm, or a parent worried about your child, please know this, you’re not alone. There is no shame in seeking help. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.
As a counselor, I believe in the power of connection, compassion, and hope. If you or someone you love is facing these challenges, I encourage you to take the first step toward healing, because every teen deserves to feel seen, heard, and supported.
Pineapple Counseling in Southlake and Flower Mound have several therapists that specialize in work with pre-teens and teens and self-harm.
